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Dear Random Jerks,

I was out there biking this morning, and I ran into a few of you. Two of you in particular were particularly jerky. While driving a Hummer and pulling a right-hand turn in front of me is common place, and while riding a cruiser-style bike with a aerobar is pretty stupid, you managed to set yourself apart from those common place jerks by being uniquely stupid today. Congratulations! Here's a brief summary of why you are such a jerk:

Jerk #1

You were the guy riding the too expensive bike with $2000 deep dish Zipp tubular wheels, no helmet, and sporting perfectly pristine shaved legs. I have a few things to tell you. First, it was windy out there this morning. We were riding North, and we were battling a fierce cross wind from the east. Riding deep dish wheels in a cross wind hurts your cycling; it doesn't help it. Unless you are training for some sort of race were you'll be getting constantly pummeled on the side of your body, ditch the Zipps for a day and put on a normal set of wheels. Also, it's the middle of January, and I doubt you are racing in any multiday, professional, european stage races within the next few days... so why the shaved legs? Another thing: no helmet? The only reason I can see to forgo the helmet is because you think you look cool without it. Tell me, how cool will your head look when you're hemmoraging on the side of the road after a crash? Finally, did it hurt your feelings to turn around and see me sitting comfortably on your wheel, eating a banana, riding the powercranks, and taking in the scenery while you huffed and puffed? My advice... instead of speding your money on all those razors, buy yourself a helmet and do some actual training.

Jerk #2

You were a car full of jerks hanging the left onto Atlantic Ave in downtown Delray. While I was in the left hand turning lane, about 100 feet from the turn, you managed to honk, flip me the bird, and speed around me on the right, all while cutting off the cars behind you and talking on your cell phone. Nice. Not only that, after you cut me off and cut off all those cars behind you, you turned onto Atlantic, and you promptly got stopped at the first red light, about 100 feet after that left you so skillfully pulled. Nice. Three middle-aged male jerks riding in a Mercedes at 10am on a Saturday morning obviously have very important places to be (Gay bar?), so you were probably in a rush, I understand. Next time, before you decide to risk my life and yours to arrive at that red light 5 seconds earlier, atleast check your rear view mirror and make sure your not cutting off a whole stream of traffic.

Keep up the good work out there, jerks. Atleast you keep me entertained.

Your Friend,
Frey

2 comments

Rachel said... @ January 8, 2009 at 1:32 PM

A cruiser with aerobars? Seriously?

I hate when cyclists ride without helmets. As if they're too good to crash. WTF?

Aggressive drivers freak me out. I consider assault with a deadly weapon and take down the license plate number.

NursAdrn said... @ January 17, 2009 at 6:16 PM

Out riding the powercranks? You give me hope. I am on day 3, will ride when I get home from work....day 1-5 minutes. day 2...15 minutes.

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